THE POEM
Talking to a man from galilee
Go tell that lonesome liar
Go tell that midnight rider
Tell the gamblin’ ramblin’ backslider.
Some people go to church just to signify
Trying to make a date with a neighbour’s wife
Brother let me tell you just as sure as you’re born
You better leave that woman alone
You might run on for a long time
Run on, ducking and dodging
Run on, children, for a long time.
West End girls
Too many shadows, whispering voices
Faces on posters, too many choices
If, when, why, what?
How much have you got?
Have you got it, do you get it, if so, how often?
Which do you choose, a hard or soft option
In a West End town, a dead-end world
You got a heart of glass or a heart of stone
Just you wait ’til I get you home.
I was a lonely boy, no strength, no joy
in a world of my own at the back of the garden
I didn’t want to compete or play out on the street
in a secret life, I was a Roundhead general.
I was faced with a choice at a difficult age
Would I write a book? Or should I take to the stage?
Why don’t we try
Not to break our hearts and make it so hard for us?
Everybody’s got to live together
Just to find a little peace of mind there.
Speak to me baby
In the middle of the night
Pull your mouth
Close to mine.
And look at the two of us in sympathy
And sometimes ecstasy
Words mean so little, and money less
When you’re lying next to me
But look at my hopes, look at my dreams.
I love you; you pay my rent.
One of these mornings
Won’t be very long
You will look for me
And I’ll be gone.
Why does my heart feel so bad?
Why does my soul feel so bad?
Focus on everything better today
All that I need, and I never could say
Hold on to people that slipping away.
Oh baby, oh baby
Then it fell apart, it fell apart.
In my dreams I’m dying all the time
Then I wake it’s kaleidoscopic mind
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to lie
So, this is goodbye?
This is goodbye.
Why counts the cost?
All I gave to you
All you made me do.
Was it worth it?
Yes, it’s worth living for
Was it worth it?
Yes, it’s worth giving more.
This happens to everyone
To everyone
You can live your life lonely
Heavy as stone
Live your life learning
And working alone
Say this is all you want
But I don’t believe that it’s true
’cause when you least expect it
Waiting round the corner for you.
Weakly mind, weakly,
Ooh I go home.
Maybe I didn’t treat you
Quite as good as I should
Maybe I didn’t love you
Quite as often as I could
Little things I should have said and done
I never took the time
You were always on my mind
All those lonely, lonely times
I guess I never told you
I am so happy that you’re mine
Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn’t died.
You were always on my mind.
Plain talking (plain talking)
Has ruined us now (ruined us now)
You never know how (you never know how)
Sweeter than thou (sweeter than thou).
To keep in touch? You know you could
I´ve tried to see your point of view
But could not hear or see.
Where the suburbs met utopia
What kind of dream was this
so easy to destroy?
And who are we to blame
for the sins of the past?
These slums of the future?
Here we are now going to the South side
(To the South side)
I pick up my friends and we hope we won’t die
(Hope we won’t die).
This year, this Christmas together
And the minutes they pass, and the hours they fly
This year, this Christmas forever (ooh)
And the weeks and the months go rushing by
This year we’ve learned how to live
How to forget, and how to forgive without fear, ohh ooh
Just love this Christmas, this year.
Wake up, wake up, wake up
We’re almost home.
When I look back upon my life
it’s always with a sense of shame
I’ve always been the one to blame.
Generations will come and go (Will come and go)
But there’s one thing for sure
Music is our life’s foundation
And shall succeed all the nations to come.
******
ANALYSIS OF THE PERSONAL HISTORY
01. The Year was 1986
Run On
Talking to a man from galilee
Go tell that lonesome liar
Go tell that midnight rider
Tell the gamblin’ ramblin’ backslider
Some people go to church just to signify
Trying to make a date with a neighbour’s wife
Brother let me tell you just as sure as you’re born
You better leave that woman alone
You might run on for a long time
Run on, ducking and dodging
Run on, children, for a long time
In 1986 I was completing my undergraduate degree, not knowing that it would be much less than a quarter of what I would come to understand. The ethics of Jesus has always been at the heart of my work, although the sayings from the New Testament are contestable and, today, nearly forty years on, we still have fools working in the paradigm of biblicisms. It is not simply the exegetic performance nor simply the hermeneutics. There is still the lonesome liar, the midnight rider, and the gamblin’ ramblin’ backslider. And more often than not, they are church folk. It is Church that has struggle in the last 40 years to take action on gender equality, domestic violence, and acknowledging institutional ‘sins’. Action has taken place, but after much, “Run on, ducking and dodging”.
02. The Year was 1987
West End Girls
West End girls
Too many shadows, whispering voices
Faces on posters, too many choices
If, when, why, what?
How much have you got?
Have you got it, do you get it, if so, how often?
Which do you choose, a hard or soft option
In a West End town, a dead-end world
You got a heart of glass or a heart of stone
Just you wait ’til I get you home.
In 1987 I met Ruth, actually for the second time. In July I found her again at the door of a West End home in a dead-end world, with the intention of locating West End girls. Ruth became my West End girl. West End is a place where there are many faces on posters, and the choices of food, drink, romance is many. It is a place where a person has either a heart of glass or a heart of stone. I have come to learnt philosophy in a variety of a hard or soft option. West End is home.
03. The Year was 1988
Left to My Own Devices
I was a lonely boy, no strength, no joy
in a world of my own at the back of the garden
I didn’t want to compete or play out on the street
in a secret life, I was a Roundhead general.
I was faced with a choice at a difficult age
Would I write a book? Or should I take to the stage?
In 1988 Ruth and I got married. It closed off my ‘lonely boy’ phase of life. But I have never wanted to compete or play out on the street in a secret life. Marriage softened and opened my life up. No longer the Roundhead general. A young angry young man. I was not the performer I wanted to be, and I chose to write a book.
04. The Year was 1995
So Hard
Why don’t we try
Not to break our hearts and make it so hard for us?
Everybody’s got to live together
Just to find a little peace of mind there.
In 1995 Ruth and I, and our dearest friends, came into Unitarian-Universalism. It was a move to get everyone to live together with a little peace of mind. Why keep banging our heads against the wall of dogma and breaking our hearts? So, we walked away into different variants of Post-Christian belief and skepticism.
05. The Year was 2010
The Sky Is Broken
Speak to me baby
In the middle of the night
Pull your mouth
Close to mine
In 2010 Ruth had first surgery to remove the original growth of the glioblastoma. It was the beginning of my seven-year journey as a carer. Our sky-world was broken. I called to Ruth, “speak to me”, and kiss me passionately.
06. The Year was 2015
Rent
And look at the two of us in sympathy
And sometimes ecstasy
Words mean so little, and money less
When you’re lying next to me
But look at my hopes, look at my dreams.
I love you; you pay my rent.
One of These Mornings
One of these mornings
Won’t be very long
You will look for me
And I’ll be gone
In 2015 was our last happy year as a family. Marguerite a young teenage. Genevievre a university graduate. I as a published author of a few books, and Ruth holidaying with her mum and family in tow. I remember Ruth saying, “one day, I’ll be gone.” In the meantime, it was Ruth’s financial position which got us through these years. She paid our rent.
07. The Year was 2016
Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?
Why does my heart feel so bad?
Why does my soul feel so bad?
Slipping Away
Focus on everything better today
All that I need, and I never could say
Hold on to people that slipping away.
In 2016 Ruth died. I was in shock for most of 2016. Why does my heart feel so bad? Why does my soul feel so bad? And Ruth was slipping away. I regret that I never held onto Ruth more in those last six months. Ruth was all that I needed, and I could never really say it.
08. The Year was 2017
Extreme Ways
Oh baby, oh baby
Then it fell apart, it fell apart
Porcelain
In my dreams I’m dying all the time
Then I wake it’s kaleidoscopic mind
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to lie
So, this is goodbye?
This is goodbye
Was It Worth It?
Why counts the cost?
All I gave to you
All you made me do.
Was it worth it?
Yes, it’s worth living for
Was it worth it?
Yes, it’s worth giving more.
In 2017 was one of the extraordinary years. Facing the death of a lover and partner at the end of the previous year, I had now to rebuild a new life. But how? This is goodbye, continually, every day. I had dreams where I am dying all the time, and then I wake up in my kaleidoscopic mind. “Oh Ruth,” I would cry, “it fell apart, it fell apart.” And as a professional historian, I could not but help myself in gaining the measure of it all. Was it worth it? Yes, it is worth giving more.
09. The year was 2018
Love Comes Quickly
This happens to everyone
To everyone
You can live your life lonely
Heavy as stone
Live your life learning
And working alone
Say this is all you want
But I don’t believe that it’s true
’cause when you least expect it
Waiting round the corner for you
My Weakness
Weakly mind, weakly,
Ooh I go home
In 2018 I started to travel again in my professional life, and each time coming home to an empty bed. It was my weakness. You live your life learning and you never really know what is around the corner.
10. The Year was 2019
Always on My Mind
Maybe I didn’t treat you
Quite as good as I should
Maybe I didn’t love you
Quite as often as I could
Little things I should have said and done
I never took the time
You were always on my mind
All those lonely, lonely times
I guess I never told you
I am so happy that you’re mine
Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn’t died.
You were always on my mind.
In 2019 I never forgot Ruth and our life together. Ruth was always on my mind. There were some small doses of guilt. Maybe I didn’t treat you, quite as good as I should. Has the sweet love died? To be honest, I can never tell.
11. The Year was 2020
Lift Me Up
Plain talking (plain talking)
Has ruined us now (ruined us now)
You never know how (you never know how)
Sweeter than thou (sweeter than thou)
In 2020 was reaching an early marker of success, another book chapter published, and further manuscripts in the long-making. The key message is that the populist “plain talking” has ruin us now in the age of Trumpism. The population needs to grow up and gain a fuller and wider education, but many will never know how. In the sense of Martin Buber, it is the sweetness of “I and Thou.”
12. The Year was 2021
Jealousy
To keep in touch? You know you could
I´ve tried to see your point of view
But could not hear or see.
In 2021 the pandemic meant loosing contact time with friends, and as is the common case, it seems there is much distance between former friends.
13. The Year was 2022
Suburbia
Where the suburbs met utopia
What kind of dream was this
so easy to destroy?
And who are we to blame
for the sins of the past?
These slums of the future?
South side
Here we are now going to the South side
(To the South side)
I pick up my friends and we hope we won’t die
(Hope we won’t die)
Rushing
This year, this Christmas together
And the minutes they pass, and the hours they fly
This year, this Christmas forever (ooh)
And the weeks and the months go rushing by
This year we’ve learned how to live
How to forget, and how to forgive without fear, ohh ooh
Just love this Christmas, this year.
In 2022 I became the President of the Southern Brisbane Suburban Forum (SBSF) Inc. It accumulated in years of work I have done on the Brisbane Southside. “Where the suburbs met utopia” could be the catchcry of our small Forum organisation, as it unfolds next year. In the meantime, it is Christmas, and how this year we’ve learned how to live. It will rush-by.
14. The Year will be 2023
Almost Home
Wake up, wake up, wake up
We’re almost home
It’s a Sin
When I look back upon my life
it’s always with a sense of shame
I’ve always been the one to blame.
In 2023 is our immediate future. In my life achievements, of my dreams, as I wake up, I am almost home. We are almost home. I look back upon my life with a sense of shame that I could never make those achievements sooner. I take responsibility for my situation, and if someone wishes to blame me, then I am to be blamed.
15. The Year will be 2024
It’s Alright
Generations will come and go (Will come and go)
But there’s one thing for sure
Music is our life’s foundation
And shall succeed all the nations to come.
In 2024 I hope to watch my daughters to continue to succeed, and it was the loss that was hard to face six years ago. It is a bite-sweet symphony.
******
SOURCES
01. Songwriters: Richard Melville Hall, Run On lyrics © BMG Rights Management
02. Songwriters: Christopher Lowe / Neil Tennant, West End Girls lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
03. Songwriters: Christopher Lowe / Neil Tennant, Left to My Own Devices lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
04. Songwriters: Neil Tennant / Chris Lowe, So Hard lyrics © Sonic Stream Publishing, Cage Music Ltd
05. Songwriters: Richard Melville Hall, The Sky Is Broken lyrics © BMG Rights Management
06. Songwriters: Neil Tennant / Chris Lowe, Rent lyrics © Cage Music Ltd
Songwriters: Richard Melville Hall, One of These Mornings lyrics © Richard Hall Music Inc
07. Songwriters: Richard Melville Hall, Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad? lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
Songwriters: Andy Kubiszewski / Christopher Hall / Walter Flakus / James eric Sellers, Slipping Away lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., BMG Rights Management
08. Songwriters: Richard Melville Hall, Extreme Ways lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., BMG Rights Management
Songwriters: Richard Melville Hall, Porcelain lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., BMG Rights Management
Songwriters: Neil Tennant / Christopher Lowe, Was It Worth It? lyrics © Cage Music Ltd
09. Songwriters: Neil Tennant / Christopher Lowe / Stephen Hague, Love Comes Quickly lyrics © Cage Music Limited, Charisma Music Publishing Co Ltd, Cage Music Ltd
Songwriters: Richard Melville Hall, My Weakness lyrics © BMG Rights Management
10. Songwriters: John Jr. Christopher / Mark James / Wayne Carson Thompson, Always on My Mind lyrics © Peermusic Publishing, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Tratore
11. Songwriters: Richard Hall, Lift Me Up lyrics © Richard Hall Music Inc
12. Songwriters: Christopher Lowe / Neil Tennant, Jealousy lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
13. Songwriters: Neil Tennant / Neil Francis Tennant / Christopher Sean Lowe, Suburbia lyrics © Cage Music Ltd
Songwriters: Richard Melville Hall. South Side lyrics © BMG Rights Management
Songwriters: Richard Melville Hall, Rushing lyrics © BMG Rights Management
14. Songwriters: Damien Jurado / Richard Melville Hall, Almost Home lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
Songwriters: Neil Tennant / Chris Lowe, It’s a Sin lyrics © Cage Music Ltd
15. Songwriters: Dwight Myers / Jean Claude Olivier / Terri E Robinson, It’s Alright lyrics © Songtrust Ave, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group
Image: Neville coming off the Mount Lindsay border crossing, and looking across the Great Dividing Range, Mount Lindsay Highway, 53 kilometres from Beaudesert, Queensland. 10:40 a.m., 12 December 2022.
Neville Buch
Beautiful meditations. I love the quotes from lyrics. Those songs are part of the soundtrack of my life too. Wishing you a blessed Christmas Neville.